Flowers, cards, and pastel-coloured displays celebrating motherly love have started to fill shopfronts as Mother’s Day draws near in the UK. While many Kingston University students look forward to the day, for some, it serves as a distressing reminder of losing a loved one.
One Kingston University second-year student, who we will call Megan to stay anonymous, shared with The River that she finds Mother’s Day as one of the most difficult days of the year since losing her mum a few years ago, “I sadly lost my mum through a terminal illness, that unfortunately developed really quickly. We found out she was ill, and then four months later, she sadly passed.”
“I dread Mother’s Day every year,” she said. “It’s especially hard when I’m at work. Customers tell me, ‘Your mum must be so proud of you!’ and little do they know.”
Megan explained that she is aware that their comments are meant kindly, but these words often reopen wounds that she has worked hard to hide and control in her daily life.
“Whilst everyone else is celebrating, posting pictures with their mums on social media, I’m just by myself,” she said. “I don’t want to bring the mood down for everyone, so I’ve just learnt to smile and carry on as normal.”
The ‘university experience’ is often portrayed as a time of independence and self-growth. For Megan, the challenge is not only balancing her studies and full-time work, but also the emotional weight the dreaded day brings.
Megan’s experience unfortunately reflects a wider reality that isn’t talked about enough. According to ChildBreavementUK, an estimated 26,900 parents die each year in the UK; that’s one parent every 20 minutes.
Grief does not pause for lectures, deadlines, or customer-facing jobs. In retail and hospitality jobs, which are very common amongst students, Mother’s Day can mean constant exposure to a day they don’t want to be reminded of.
Despite the difficulty this day poses, Megan tries to reframe the meaning of the day and embrace it as a time of remembrance rather than avoidance.
“I try to focus on the positives and use it as a day to appreciate my mum, for who she was,” she said. “As she was the one who shaped who I am.”
“Every year, me and my siblings go to her favourite café in the morning and order the classic English breakfast she loved. We then go to her favourite park, that she used to visit almost every day when in and out of hospital. We sing to her favourite songs in the car, and we take the time to sit at her grave and talk to her. We even bring a carrot cake with us, as that was her favourite flavour.”
Universities can play a huge role in making those celebratory dates that affect students much easier to handle. Research has demonstrated that only up to 10% of students experiencing bereavement sought some form of campus support to help manage their grief. Simple acts, like having meetings with your personal tutor, or even booking in the free 50-minute confidential counselling sessions, or rather, 10-minute advice meetings that the University offers, can make a meaningful difference.
For fellow students, the student offers a gentle reminder: not everyone experiences Mother’s Day the same way.
“Just be mindful,” she told The River. “You never know what someone is going through.”
If you are a student reading this, and you or someone you know is in a crisis, please feel free to contact the charity Minds, that is designed to help people of all ages: Call their support line on 0300 102 1234.
